Staying Sane in Uncertain Times | Tricks and Practices from a Doula

I just finished up a contract with a family whose political views are just about as different from mine as you can get…

Working with them has got me thinking a lot about how I want to show up for myself and my community as we navigate the unrest of our social and political landscapes. As I reflected on this question I realized that, although I am by no means an expert on politics or activism, there are a few deeply relevant lessons I’ve learned in my time as a doula around how best to walk with discomfort:

1. Practice discernment. Your job is not to jump in the ring at every single sign of struggle. You’ll drive yourself crazy and burn out in an instant. Instead, know when it’s time to simply be a keenly interested and watchful party in the room and learn when it’s time to get involved. I lean into somatic cues for this and also practice this skill in every day life. What does my body feel like when I want, and should have, another coffee? What does it feel like when I want, but should not have, another coffee? 

2. Don’t dismiss, run from, or discount the fear. Stuff is scary out there and it’s unhelpful to pretend it’s not. When you look fear in the eye, hold its hand, let it sit next to you, it somehow starts to become less scary. Fear is here and we aren’t going to get rid of it. So, how can we befriend it?

3. Lead by example. If I want my client to take some nice big breaths, I can nonverbally communicate that simply by starting to take some nice big breaths alongside them. Now this might be a controversial opinion, but if you want to build a world that leads with love…. you’ve got to lead with love. Even when you’re interacting with people who could not be more different than you. This doesn’t mean you think what they do or believe is okay, it just means that you recognize they’re humanity. Another aspect of this tenet is taking action on behalf of your values; bring your mug to the coffee shop, drive less, call your reps, sign those petitions. 

4. Embody the midwife. Just like a midwife does not know the outcome of a birth we do not know what lies at the end of our own, or our world’s, road. How scary! And yet, like a midwife, we must continue to show up. Day after day, with love, with wisdom, with action. As Joanna Macy describes, we don’t know if we are currently midwifing new life into the world or if we are a bedside attendant at a death but the job descriptions just aren’t that different and I’m showing up fully for whichever it is. 

Stay steady out there my friends.

Love,

Clara